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Cassie, LA, Virginity, and "I told"

*-8:44 p.m. *-|-* 2005-11-08-*

-~*Problematic evening. And here's why..

Grar! I don't fucking get it! Joe won't let me talk to his exgirlfriend, Cassie. I don't see why not! He acts like I'll talk to her for five minutes and she and I will be best friends! Does he not get that it's driving me bananas that I have email, screen name, and number, and I can't use any of them! I mean, it isn't like I'd go, hey, I'm Joe's girlfriend, your replacement, what's up bitch? I WOULD JUST TALK TO HER! LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING! But no, oh no, Joe won't let me. God that drives me freaking crazy! I mean, does she know something he doesn't want me knowing or.. What? Cause I don't really care anymore, I must talk to her! It's driving me fucking crazy!

A couple of days ago, my Granny let it slip that Joe's dad said that Joe almost went to Louisiana, but didn't. What I wanna know, is if Joe is lying to me, or if Joe's telling me the truth and his dad is just full of shit. I mean, I remember very, very clearly that Joe brought his grandmother with him to Louisiana, and hsi dad went down first. When I asked about his grandma, he said she didn't go. I'm gonna call and interrupt his evening with Billy and ask him about his dad right now. Hold on.. Yeah, I think he's lying to me. I don't know why though. I mean, would he lie to impress me or something? I don't need impressing! MY GOD! I'm happy with the fact someone thinks I'm cute, much less beautiful, smart, fun, loveable, and all that. He doesn't need to lie to make me like him! I just had this conversation with Mel:
Abby: I also think he's lying to me.
Abby: He said that during hurricane Katrina, he went down there and rode around on a jet skii and helped out.
Mel: bull shit
Mel: wait
Mel: and went down where
Abby: Louisiana
Abby: Well, when my mom was talking to his dad when I first met him in person
Abby: His dad said that he went with Joe at the same time to Louisiana and they got half way there, then turned around and came back. They had no jet skii.
Abby: JOE, told me this:
Abby: His dad went on a Tuesday or a Wednesday, then Friday after a football game, Joe drove down there with a jet skii and helped his dad that weekend.
Mel: bull shit
Abby: Yeah. Then, he blamed it on his dad, that his dad must have lied
Abby: Well, I sort of believe that
Abby: Because I know, that on several occasions, Joe's dad has accused Joe for being on the phone with me at four in the morning
Abby: Which hasn't happened but ONCE on a SATURDAY
Abby: And I know that's true, cause I have the bills to prove it, and Joe's dad, yells REALLY loud
Abby: But, I think Joe's lying
Abby: Because I distinctly remember him saying this:
Abby: I made the mistake of bringing my grandmother down here with me.. she's yelling at everyone.
Abby: I never heard her yelling, but I heard that sentence VERY CLEAR from his mouth
Abby: Saturday, he told me that he didnít bring her, and just now he remembered the sentence, but said he must have said it on another occasion.
Abby: I'm pretty sure he was down there though
Abby: In certain ways
Mel: how
Abby: Like, I know he was doing something all day sat. and sun.
Abby: That's not proof though
Abby: But, I also know, from talking to him, that MRE's were involved that weekend
Abby: And he did have a jet skii with him where ever it was, I could hear it running once or twice
Abby: Then, I heard him talk to many a people in the shelters they had up there
Abby: But i have no way of telling if that's who they really were
Abby: I'm getting my facts straight so I can drill him. If he lied, I'm gonna know tonight.
Mel: bull shit
Mel: like seriously
Mel: i think they only let groups work
Abby: Me too.. Only
Abby: His dad
Abby: Is supposably in the marine core
Abby: So that's where I get cut off on that lead
So yeah. I am going to ask him about it tonight. I don't really care if he lied, it's just going to make him lose my trust more. I still want to be with him, i just want him to realize, lying to me will get you no where.

Thanksgivings gonna be soon, and I'll be seeing Joe. I wanna sleep with him, I really do. Only, I want to at HIS house. I can't have that memory in my grandparents house. No. Just god no. Lol, and then, I want to know when and where so I can get all emotional before hand, and be ready. To be honest, last time I saw him, I had NO intention of doing it then and there. he could have just given up with that. I knew I'd have to be far away from my mother. If I don't get to do it at his house on thanksgiving break, I'm keeping my legs sealed. He'll live. He can finger me and eat me all he wants, and I'll give him another blow job or two, but her IS NOT getting major (his dick) between my legs anywhere but on HIS bed. Sorry Joesoph sweetheart.

"I told.." I need to tell Joe the rest of the people that "I told" about what me and him did. I only gave details to Keri and Brandon. I can't keep a secret about something like that.. I want my GOOD friends to know the truth about something like him fingering me or me giving him a blow job. I've told Mel, Brandon, Keri, Jo-Ann, and Alex. I AM NOT telling anyone else. It's none of their business. Those are just.. my really close friends. And by doing so, I learned new things about both Jo-Ann and Keri. For one, I didn't realize Keri wanted to do sexual things so badly. She just fears her mother knowing. Jo-Ann's X fingered her and wanted to go furhter. And telling Jo-Ann that when I really needed someone to talk to about it, was good. It brought me and her closer. Brandon, I had to. I couldn't help it! I promised him the first time I did anything I would tell him, and he promised the same to me. Then with Mel, she's my baby! I have to share with my baby. Alex, wasn't my fault. I.. talk in my sleep. Grar. I need to tell Joe! I feel all guilty like...

Time to go. Nighty night all.. Prayers to the dead, hopes of death to the living.. maybe. 0:-)*~-

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